Harry Potter and that Insane Bunch of Hufflepuffs
by PaGi
Summary: This is a wacky, insane, story, and by chapter three, you'll be thinking "What is UP with the author?" Well, that's the point. There's a plot, and it's a crazy one. Enter at your own risk. ;)


Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

A/N: Forgive me, I stole the the disclaimer from fictionalley.org, where my Marauder fic will hopefully be real soon. J Okay, so for the people that don't post at Cinescape, this story will make no sense. But that's okay. You may not understand our strange eccentricity, why Snape is female, or Dumbledore is a guy named Eek. Believe me, guys- Huffs, that is- it'll get funnier, but since this is the first chapter, I'm laying down the basics and all of that. Everyone will be in the story, don't worry. In fact, Jen and Dave and Mollie are in the beginning of the next chapter, not to mention Kel and Mollie's e-peach store in Diagon Alley, hehe. And the new broom- but what shall the name of it be? *grins mischeviously* Anyway, read and review, but no flames, s'il-vous plaît!! Sorry to the poor people at fanfiction.net that will think we're crazy by the end of this. Not that we aren't. J -- PaGi --

The summer was nearly over, and Lizzie O'Riley couldn't wait to return to her school and see her friends again. The days had been crawling by so slowly, that sometimes it seemed as if time was standing still. She wrote to her friends once in a while, and thanks to her tawny owl, Neptune, she received their replies quickly. In fact, later that day she received a letter from a fellow Hufflepuff, as well as another letter that was much anticipated.

Lizzie was eating a late lunch one day and reading the latest _Martin Miggs, Mad Muggle_ comic book when two owls flew in through the kitchen window. The first owl was Neptune, and he dropped a letter on the table next to Lizzie. The second owl was a beautiful barn owl, and it dropped its letter next to Lizzie's mother. Mrs. O'Riley picked up the letter and noticed that it bore the Hogwarts seal. But Lizzie wasn't paying attention, since she was too busy opening a letter from her friend Karlan Princa:

_Hi! How is your summer going? Mine is pretty uneventful, but still fun nevertheless. I was so relieved to see Neptune turn up because Michael keeps borrowing Miss Levi._

Miss Levi was Karlan's owl that she had gotten for her birthday from her parents in her second year. 

__

Michael will be going to Hogwarts next year, too, can you believe it? I wonder if he'll end up in the same house as us. I just hope he won't be a Slytherin, which is unlikely, but you never know.

Any more news on You-Know-Who? No one knows his whereabouts at the moment, which is scary. He could be out there now ready to- I don't want to think about it. What if he gets this letter? What if it makes him mad and he decides to come kill me? Oh, the possibilities are endless...

Lizzie shook her head. Like everyone else, Karlan was extremely paranoid about the rise of the Dark Lord Voldemort. Lizzie shuddered at the thought of his name. She didn't blame people for putting powerful charms on their doors at night, quite frankly. But since she was an underage witch, she could do no such thing. She would just have to let He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named come kill her. The thought was horrifying.

_I hear your parents are working overly hard at the Ministry- mine, too. My dad said Dumbledore's getting all of his allies together for a big meeting. Hopefully it will be next week, right before school begins._

Have you talked to any of the other Hufflepuffs this summer? I wanted to attend Cedric's funeral on July 17, but that was the week we vacationed in the Alps. You said that you were going to go, didn't you? How many other students did you see there?

Lizzie recalled Cedric's funeral that seemed so long go to her. Everyone was dressed in black, and there were hundreds of people, students and adults alike, saying their last goodbyes to one of the most noble Hufflepuffs ever known. Tears came to Lizzie's eyes as she thought about Mr. Diggory, who didn't say a word the whole day, or Mrs. Diggory, who didn't stop weeping. Cho Chang, Cedric's girlfriend, looked just as horrible, burying her face in her hands and sobbing loudly. Harry Potter was even there, sitting silently by the tree, staring into oblivion, not saying a word. Lizzie knew Cedric quite well, as she was the Hufflepuff Keeper on the Quidditch team. He was an amazing captain, and she still remembered the Quidditch game in her second year in which they beat the Gryffindors; a very memorable victory.

_I've been keeping in touch with friends, too. I've been writing to you, of course, and I've been writing to Teah Angel, Sabrina Pottersons, Justin Finch-Fletchley, and Jack Sorcers. I wrote to a few other Hufflepuffs, too, but I didn't write to anyone else a lot. Did you know that Jack was made a prefect? Let's hope he uses his powers for good, not evil! And guess what Teah told me, you will never believe it. Rini Kaos is dating Draco Malfoy! Pansy Parkinson is jealous, of course. Any idea on how Rini got to be a Slytherin?_

Rini Kaos was known for being friendly, smart, and energetic, and no one had any idea how it was that she became a Slytherin. A Slytherin dating Draco Malfoy, the cruellest wizard in Hogwarts, no less. It was quite an enigma.

_Sorry I can't write any more today. Mum wants me to try get rid of all of the garden gnomes in out yard, since we have so many. I think they're so funny! Well, I'll see you at school soon. I can't wait to go back and see you!_

- Karlan

Lizzie finished the letter and smiled. She figured that that was the disadvantage of having a big yard like her friend. Lizzie decided that she wanted to reply as quickly as possible, so she got up out of her seat to get a quill and parchment.

"Lizzie, where are you going?" her mother asked. "You still have a letter from Hogwarts that you haven't read yet." Lizzie turned around abruptly.

"What?" she exclaimed. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"You were reading your letter from Karlan, and I thought you saw the owl drop in on the table," Mrs. O'Riley said, beaming at the look of excitement on her daughter's face. She pushed the letter across to Lizzie's end of the table:

__

Dear Miss O'Riley,

Please not that the new school year will begin on the first of September. The Hogwarts Express will depart from King's Cross Station, platform nine and three quarters, at precisely eleven o'clock.

Although the events that occurred at the end of the last term have been noted and cautioned, the school year will proceed as usual. However, the Tri-Wizard Tournament will not be held, as we the staff feel that it is too dangerous an event to take place at Hogwarts. The Yule Ball will be held, notwithstanding, so be sure to pack your dress robes as well as your normal attire.

A list of books for next year is enclosed.

Yours Sincerely,

Professor A. Sugar

Deputy Headmistress

The list of books was enclosed as well:

__

Below is a list of the books that you will need for your fourth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry:

The Standard Book of Spells, Grade Four_, by Miranda Goshawk_

The Rise and Fall of the Dark Arts_, by Quentin Trimble_

Dreadful Denizens of the Deep_, by Arthur Aquatus_

Guide to Advanced Transfiguration_, by Emeric Switch_

Sites of Historical Sorcery_, by Ernest Classics_

One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi_, by Phyllida Spore_

Lizzie looked at the list and rolled her eyes. It was as long as ever, if not longer. She would have a lot to haul around again that year. Fortunately, all of that Quidditch practice had whipped her in shape, so she was up for the challenge.

"Mum, when can we go to Diagon Alley?" she asked excitedly.

"Friday, I suppose," her mother replied. "My book came in at Flourish and Blott's last week, and I really want to read it."

A/N: So whaddya think?? I'd love everyone from the boards' input, and readers at fanfiction.net, yours is appreciated just as much. We would love to hear just how quirky you think we are!! Lol. Hmm, anyway, it isn't the best chapter, but hopefully it will get better and funnier. I mean, how much can you do with two letters and a couple of owls?? Hehe. Okay, so R+R puh-lease and I'll make sure to thank you!! J 

-- PaGi --


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